It's time for the holidays, but that doesn't mean things in Los Angeles have settled down. In fact, they've gotten more insane thanks to a week of reveals. First, Quinn finally came down from Selfish Mountain with a burning tablet of new priorities and admitted that she just might be the problem in her marriage. Let the choir sing hallelujah. Next, Jack admitted that he fathered a child with Sheila in a scene so riveting, I couldn't help but watch my plants grow.
The week ended with Thomas throwing himself at Paris and me asking, "Who didn't see this coming?" Zende, that's who. Zende is the only grinning fool who, when given advice from the husband-cuckolder extraordinaire to guard his girl against Thomas, replies that he should instead encourage Thomas to spend even more time with her! After all, she's such a good influence on him. Yeah, Zende, and that influence is otherwise known as smitten. Carter warned him.
Carter wasn't the only one in a gracious mood toward an enemy or frenemy. Who would have thought Quinn would ever admit that Brooke was right? It happened, folks. Next, Jack was grateful to Sheila for not telling his secret, even at the possible risk of being slut-shamed. It got me to thinking that more characters ought to appreciate their enemies. Scoop along with me about the week and find out who ought to be grateful for their enemies this holiday season.
The B&B writers must think we are hard of hearing. Maybe that's why characters repeat things so much and why we see the same type of scenes twice in a row. Or it could be a technique to make sure we heard it. You know, like when you see two commercials in a row? Well, B&B, I speak for everyone when I say we got it, and you never need to repeat these things again:
First, Paris is the best thing to happen to the world since God said, "Let there be light." She does fashion. She does the foundation. She even made Douglas swoon. She is smart, talented, and beautiful, and she inspires the best in people. Everyone at Forrester loves her -- except Quinn, who'll probably make her engagement ring two sizes too small to match Quinn's dark heart. The writers have been singing Paris' praises for months. We got it -- move on!
Next -- Brooke, I have loved you since the day you told Ridge that he looked better with his clothes on! But, girl, let's talk. You are right about Quinn. She even said you were right. Now it's time to stop talking about her and Eric's sex life. If Eric doesn't care whether his willy ever wakes up again, that's his business -- move on!
And lastly -- besides creepy Tom -- Katie and Carter are the finest, most lonely people in L.A. We get it. We don't believe it, but we get it. There is no need for another scene of them commiserating about it and hyping each other up to believe there's a bright future ahead. Go up to bat or stop playing the game. Hook up or move on!
Thomas confessing his feelings for Paris wasn't the only confession we saw coming from an ocean away. Ever since Jack and Sheila revealed that he was Finn's real father, we've been waiting for the day he'd tell poor Li and clueless Finn. For me, the reveal took too long to manifest in the storyline. When it finally did, it arrived suddenly, without build-up. It was like Finn finally woke up in the storyline and started wondering about his paternity -- something we've been waiting for him to do since his wedding. Oh, and by the way, we're also waiting for the wedding to be legal. Just saying.
When Finn confronted Sheila about his paternity, she didn't blink an eye while she lied. She claimed not to know and said she'd been young. Okay -- but were you competing in the world's largest orgies, too? In the line of the week, Finn asked, "Well, can you narrow it down?" Finn told Steffy that if Sheila can't whittle it down to a couple of guys, he'd take matters into his own hands. What was he gonna do? Start calling down the 1990s phone book?
The most absurd part about Sheila's statement was that Sheila has been many terrible things, but who could ever accuse her of being promiscuous? Check out her horizontal mambo card under the flings and affairs section of her profile. It's not full. And she knows who all the fathers of her kids are because she calculated all the pregnancies. Sheila is nothing if not meticulous. Maybe next time Finn wakes up in the story, it'll be to realize he might have siblings.
It was laughable to see Steffy, who needed a DNA test for every child she bore, shocked that Sheila didn't know who Finn's father was. Hey, Steffy, back in the day, they had Bibles, not DNA baggies, in the nightstands by the hotel beds.
Jack's case is probably one Maury Povich never came across on his show. It's a new one on B&B, too, but as riveting as it should have been, a lot of fans were bored with or disappointed in the storyline. I have to side with them for three reasons.
First, as the scenes played out, I appreciated the acting talent, but I felt like I was watching strangers, not well-known characters. As brilliant as the actors are who play Jack and Li, we, unfortunately, do not know Jack and Li (or Finn) enough to empathize, sympathize, or even care about how Finn's paternity will devastate their family. I was paying more attention to Li's gorgeous blouse and perfectly seething expressions than her pain.
Naomi Matsuda can give looks of anger, hurt, and disdain like a boss! Even so, all I heard in my mind was that CSI song by The Who, "Who are you? Who? Who?" Who are the Finnegans? Where do they live? Where have they been all this time? Did they ever go back to wherever their home is? Why do we have to guess about it? Tell us, writers! I'm disappointed that with a reveal as big as this, the story didn't spend more time building up Jack and Li before tearing them down.
Second, as I said earlier, there was no buildup. Finn just woke up one day out of a birth mother coma and remembered that he must have a birth father, too. It seems contrived that no one wondered about that before now or that Jack and Sheila wouldn't have had a better plan to address it other than trying to get Finn to buy that she is the TSFGC.
Third, by the time we got from Jack's confession to Li to the one to Finn, Jack seemed worn out. All he could muster for Finn was a, "You're looking at him." Steffy had more reaction to it than Finn, and in no time, we'd moved from the reveal to the forgiveness portion of the afternoon. I will never get why characters ask for forgiveness five minutes after a confession, and I don't think I've ever once heard the hurt person reply, "Of course. You are forgiven. Let's move on and never speak of it again."
Jack told Li that, eventually, he expected forgiveness. Say what? You expect it? Finn might give it someday, but as mad at Li is, I can't say Jack is gonna get it from her anytime soon, if ever. But I suspected that this storyline would break up Li and Jack, so I didn't invest in them emotionally. I hate to take a quote off a green jacket, but as the saying goes, "I don't really care, do you?"
Here we go again. In a plot as old as 1987, we have another perfect woman coveted by two Forrester men. Back then, it was Ridge versus Thorne for the love of Caroline Senior. Today, it's Zende versus Thomas for the love of Paris Buckingham. I suspect it to culminate in Paris modeling the showstopper and getting a runway marriage proposal from Zende, Thomas, or both.
I just want to know -- who besides Paris and Zende was dumb enough to think Thomas ever really looked for a house? Maybe Douglas? Sorry, Douglas. You ain't getting a pool, but you might get a stepmommy. I think Thomas might have contrived the roommate situation. In other words, so much for Thomas changing.
Just when we thought Thomas might be better, it's time to pull out the side-eye slant and aim it right at him. If Thomas wants to date, why can't he just try Tinder? Why does he have to pick women who are already in relationships? Or women at his job? Women who are affiliated with Hope's line? There might not be a showing at all if Zende and Thomas kill each other over Paris!
I'm not saying Zende and Paris belong together -- or that I care. As far as I'm concerned, it's "you snooze, you lose" for Zende. He's been dragging his feet so slowly that Paris had already had a mental affair with Finn and is about to get scooped up by his cousin Thomas and second cousin Douglas. Douglas is smitten with Paris. That cutie pie has more charm than granddaddy Ridge and gets whatever woman he wants for a mommy, so Zende should hang it up before he's left embarrassed by a six-year-old.
It's possible Paris could resist. She put up a strong front when she happened upon the romantic scene Thomas set up for them at the apartment. "You know I have a boyfriend, right?" she reminded him. Thomas claimed to be happy for her and went on to praise her attributes. "Yeah, like I said -- you know I got a boyfriend, right?" she repeated.
Will Paris tell Zende about this? Or will she do the soapy thing and keep living with Thomas, getting whittled down little by little as she catches glimpses of him in his towel? Tune in.
When Carter stood there, listening to Quinn go on about her marriage after telling him that she missed him, who else wanted to tell Quinn to kick rocks? Pound the pavement? Get lost? I sympathize with Quarter fans, but it seems that Quarter is dead, dead, dead. That romance is as dead as the look on Eric's face when he hugged Quinn at the end of his piano serenade to her. You know what that means. The groundhog did not come up to see his shadow.
You didn't get that loving feeling, did you, Eric? I know you didn't because there was no climaxing music, no wondrous look on your face, and the next day, Quinn was wound up tighter than a virgin when she barked at Zende. Let me guess, no sex makes Quinn grumpy.
Quinn broke the sound barrier when she admitted Brooke was right about her, but don't look for Quinn to be a better woman. She's still in "what's in it for me" mode, as evidenced by her asking Zende what was in it for her to make the ring for Paris. Quinn claimed she'd learned that she was the problem in her marriage, but then why would she say that things would be fine in her marriage if the Logans would just leave them alone? It's you, Quinn. It had to be you, insecure you, not the Logans.
It was all so very 2016 of Quinn to pledge to be a better person and to want to be worthy of Eric. Now the couple is reset right to where they were when they got married without a single family member, save Ivy, in attendance. It's probably how they'll be on Thanksgiving, too, because not a single family member can stand Quinn six years later.
Yeah, good luck with that, Eric. Now, put Quinn on top of the piano and roll yourselves straight to the back burner, please!
Last week, Quinn claimed that she'd make Eric her focus, but she can't stop seething about the Logans -- no matter how helpful Donna was to her marriage. Li called Sheila a monster, but shouldn't Li be grateful that Sheila liked Jack enough to produce Finn? Katie had nothing but the nasty mug for Quinn, but if it weren't for Quinn, might Zoe be with Carter? Instead of being mad, I think the characters below ought to show a little gratitude to their enemies:
Quinn, get Donna her job back. Come on, now. You know that firing Donna was petty. You talk to your ex-lover at work every day and turned Carter from your sex doll into your marriage counselor. The least you can do is let Eric have some eye candy at the office. He didn't betray Stephanie, not even on Margo's sexiest day, and he won't betray you. Besides, you owe Donna, and you ought to be grateful she discovered that Eric's condition is merely situational. You should befriend Donna and Brooke and get some tips. Maybe even a free bottle of honey.
Steffy, thank your mother-in-law. And I don't mean Li. You need to keep your slaphappy hands to yourself and thank Sheila for having the good sense to know she didn't have enough damn sense to raise Finn! You need to be grateful that Sheila let Li raise Finn into the cuckolded yes man you can boss around and control today, because Lord knows Finn would have been far out of your ability to control if Sheila had raised him.
Li, that goes for you, too. Li, you're acting like a sweet-and-sour candy. First, you're sour, and then you're sweet. Sour...sweet...let that go and look on the bright side. You had all of the mothering and none of the stretch marks. That's gotta be worth something. Yeah, Jack cheated on you, but look -- you got Finn. And who needs sex, anyway? You're about to be in menopause. You and Jack and can be roommates. Be grateful and think of what you saved in taxes, girl.
Brooke, be thankful for what Quinn brings to your life. I know you despise Quinn and want to be rid of her, Brooke, but look at all she brings to your life. This is your chance to look down your nose at someone just the way Stephanie did to you. Quinn gives you and Katie something to bond over -- mutual disgust. Without Quinn, what would you and Katie be doing? Probably fighting over Bill. Ridge would have left you over it, too, but this way, he'll stay. Heck, he can even join in. Be grateful that hating Quinn brings the Logan sisters together and holds the Bridge marriage together.
Ridge, you should be glad Deacon is a sleaze bag. Ridge, you should be thanking Deacon for being a lousy excuse for a human being. Do you really think that if Deacon ever had anything going for himself that Brooke would stay with you? You should be grateful every day that Brooke witnesses what a lowlife Deacon is because that's one more day that she probably won't leave you for him -- notice I said probably.
Next week, we'll have new episodes on Monday through Wednesday, and a repeat episode on Thursday. That day, we'll see a repeat of Steffy and Finn's wedding. Ridge and Brooke host Thanksgiving at home.
Thanks for scooping with me this week. Let me know who you think ought to be grateful to their enemies and why in the comments section below. Here's to hoping your Thanksgiving is bold and beautiful, baby!
Chanel
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